I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
