When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
