i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
