do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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