I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
