My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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