Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
