Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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