remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
