you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
