the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
