thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
