did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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