i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
