How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
