I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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