oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
