Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize