i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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