Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
