i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
