you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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