New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
