the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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