Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize