Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
