Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
porn star boner night. come get it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
