Your dad touched me again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is wine microwaveable?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
