i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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