She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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