I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize