so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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