He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
