Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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