After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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