Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
