The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
