Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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