I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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