i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Barsexuality is the new black.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
