Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
