So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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