I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
