you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
