i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
