he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How does one acquire holy water?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
