im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
