Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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