It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Pooping to opera.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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