Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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