so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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