I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Please don't give away my fajitas
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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