toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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