I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
