i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
