Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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