From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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