A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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