Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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