My hand turned me down
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
