Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
