i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
