are you so shy because you have an std?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
