i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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