By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Holy sore nipples Batman
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
