i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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